My reflections usually focus on a simple experience or insight from the discernment process, serving as a way to share my journey—not as a guide, but as a personal account of my experience.
This reflection, however, stems from a deeper, long-standing concern that will likely remain with me for years to come: the financial implications of pursuing ordination. As I continue through the process—past Stage 2, through training, curacy, and into my first position—questions of financial stability weigh heavily on my mind. Can I afford training? Will my wife and I maintain a comfortable standard of living, even if it is less than our current situation? Can I pay my bills during training? I worry about potential struggles and the possibility of a misunderstanding regarding financial support from the diocese or the national church, especially if I commit to a full-time route.
This anxiety is partly fueled by my ADHD, which has led me to fixate on finding the theological college that best suits my needs, fully aware of how different options could impact the financial outlook.
Yet, over the past few weeks, I have found my grounding in two core ideas:
God’s grace is sufficient.
The example of Matthew following Jesus.
God’s Grace as Provision
You might wonder how God’s grace relates to financial concerns. Grace is the unmerited reception of mercy and gifts. I feel those gifts keenly right now. Over the past six months, changes in our living situation have opened up all our options. For the first time, contemplating a more limited income does not feel catastrophic; it is not the full-throated scream of struggling from paycheck to paycheck. Instead, we are content with what we have been provided. This has the added benefit of lessening the stress regarding the discernment process and the future.
The Courage of Matthew
Secondly, as someone who loves the Gospel of Matthew, his entire story has become a profound source of reflection. Matthew’s transformation from a working man—a tax collector—to a disciple who gave up everything is a powerful testament to conviction. He left a safe job, a steady wage, and even his home. At that moment, he could not have known the full path ahead, or even if the man he chose to follow was truly the Messiah. Yet, Matthew was faithful and humble from the start, following Jesus and enduring the pain and ridicule that came with it.
Matthew’s choice is one I reflect on deeply. Like him, I am a man of career, having spent 15 to 20 years in my industry with a comfortable and secure job. I am facing nearly the same decision: to follow Christ more deeply, to become a true servant and disciple. It will certainly mean a humbler life, requiring the sacrifice of certain comforts and aspects of my current lifestyle. But I know, without a doubt, that it will be entirely worth it.
Despite the genuine, deep-seated anxieties surrounding the financial journey of ordination—anxiety compounded by the practical challenge of choosing a theological path—my conviction remains grounded in faith. The recent experience of contentment and provision underscores the sufficiency of God’s grace. This journey is further illuminated by the powerful example of Matthew, who traded security for discipleship. Like him, I face a choice between a comfortable career and a humbler, more purposeful life in service to Christ. It is a sacrifice I embrace, knowing with certainty that the spiritual reward will far outweigh any material cost.